When You Lose Your Way, Look Up
The House of Mirrors
Our community in Southwestern Illinois has an annual carnival to raise money for one of the local parishes. My son looks forward to it every year. The last time we went, I learned a lesson that has stuck with me ever since. That day went a little something like this.
My son had looked forward to the carnival all week and he could hardly wait to get up there, get a wrist band, and start riding the rides. One of the first things he wanted to do was walk through the little house of mirrors but he didn’t want to go through by himself. After a bit of persuasion, he talked me into going in it with him. I walked in and put my arms out in front of me like a walking zombie in an attempt to not walk face first into a glass wall. We made it through a couple tricky turns and I realized I really couldn’t tell how to navigate…neither forward nor back. I didn’t know how long this maze of mirrors went on. All I could see were about 20 reflections of me, my son, and no exit. That’s when the familiar feeling of panic started to close in. My heart started beating faster, the air didn’t seem sufficient to really fill my lungs, and I resorted to the old “get the heck out of here…and fast” mode. I told my son (age 5 or 6 at this time) I was going out and that my husband/his dad would go through with him. He was so disappointed as I tried my best to make my way back to the open, fresh air of freedom. My husband went through like a champ, gave me the “really Laura” look, and then there were those other familiar feelings…disappointment in myself, feeling less than, and weakness. I had given in. I had let that feeling of panic take the reins. I had missed out on the giggles and the times my son ran face first into the glass as he made his way through. I missed the feeling of accomplishment as they made their way out of the maze, up the stairs, and down a twisty slide. I missed the small but mighty victory. That’s the thing with anxiety. It tells you the only way to breathe and feel free is to give into it and get out of the situation that you are fearing. It’s a lie. Just like the house of mirrors, it’s all an illusion. Giving into it gives the anxiety more power, leaves you feeling weaker, and robs the joy you find in true freedom.
After only a matter of hours from sitting down the morning of the carnival with my most recent read at the time, “You are Free” and processing through how I was going to face fear head on and not give into it, I sat alone on the stairs outside the house of mirrors while my boys laughed happily inside. Gut check! My son came out and told me how awesome it was and how I just had to try it. This time, I went in, put my hands out, and started walking. I prayed for strength to make it through, I breathed deeply, and I told myself there had to be a better way to navigate this little semi-truck turned illusion of mirrors. For crying out loud, there were two-year-olds going through it, often face planting into wall after wall and growing large goose eggs under their foreheads. Surely I could do this. Everyone had their eyes fixed straight ahead. I finally looked up. All of the sudden, I had a whole new perspective. You see, the thing I learned in that house of mirrors that day is that your instinct is to look straight ahead so you can navigate and keep from smacking face first into obstacles, but it doesn’t work well. When you look up and you pay no attention to the walls right in front of you, you can see a break in the walls along the ceiling that don’t hold any glass. You can easily see which turns to make and how to walk freely from the illusion. You can clearly see the path to freedom. Immediately, the panic was gone and I made a greater connection with how I often walk through life. I keep my eyes ahead, stay alert, prepare, put my hands out to protect me from walking into obstacles, breathe deeply, and all the things. It can be exhausting! It’s only when I remember to look up, to seek perspective and guidance from the One who can see where the next step and turns are, to quit looking at the obstacles at all, that I can truly see most clearly. That’s when I can navigate the maze in life. That’s when I can breathe. That’s when I’m really free. #lookupchild #youarefree #houseofmirrors #anxiety
Navigating the inside of the Mirror Maze, ironically wearing my “Choose Joy” shirt.
